letters to my suns: i
[excerpt from a series i started penning while pregnant w our firstborn 2014 - 2015, Letters to My Suns]
two men sit on church steps under a bright afternoon sun; a light from inside shines knowingly. [from my personal archives; shot in Kensington Market, Tkaronto.]
Because you have a conscience, which is to say you hold the gift of awareness, shame will automatically follow any poor choice you make.
we are not talking about unjust shame, the kind that is handed down to us by other, lesser beings (more on that later). we are talking about self-induced shame: the kind of shame that is a direct result of acting below our potential. maybe we didn’t play our best during that basketball game; maybe we snapped at our lover unprovoked; maybe we were impatient with our children after a long day; maybe we were rude to a colleague during a high-stress moment. we know that if we brought our best to any of these scenarios & operated within the interest of the team, we wouldn’t have to deal with the shame of letting them down.. of letting our own selves down.
shame is a necessary messenger in that it points to where we can improve, in order to leave behind the baggage that eventually becomes regret.
shame: the feeling that comes with letting someone down, even if that someone is only yourself. the feeling that comes from operating below the standard you hold yourself to.
[& don’t let any shiny, illusive, wind of excitement fool you: standards are one of the few, precious, valuable things we have left in this human experience. standards: a level of quality or attainment. standards range from human to human, and are placed in our chests to explore, embrace, & love on, by those who we refer to as your higher self / parents / guides / angels / the force / allah / ancestors / source / holy spirit / yashua / jah / jesus / the universe / whatever your belief system deems to be your Spirit of Truth. standards are what define you, they are what set you apart, they literally define your name & tie it to your reputation; high standards make you way better than the average person & essentially the room’s envy, they make you a safe space, because those who seek refuge in your presence do so because they can trust you; low standards.. . well. low standards make you predictable, basic, just like everyone else, boring.]
When shame comes knocking, invite it in. Sit with it. Judge yourself accordingly, as this is the winner's way.
and then tell it that it will be a long long time until you see it again.
shame as a messenger for personal growth, self-accountability, & the daily, ever-present opportunity of rewriting our stories + future generational history. intentionally reversing the behavioral patterns that we didn’t choose in order to improve our own quality of mental & emotional health, inevitably creating ripple effects that run ever forward, into the good of humanity.
eternally yours in our perpetual evolutions,
L